New Year, New Plans.

I plan on keeping this journal more up to date. But I am also planning on keeping beauty posts up to date. I need to charge my camera though first, so while it charges I will write a less beauty centered post.

So maybe I should go through what are my favorite beauty products at this point.

Face:
Foundation: Studio Fix Powder
Concealer: Benefit Boi-ing in 01 Light
Liquid: L'Oreal True Match
Lips:
Lipstick: Mac Lipstick in Pervette
Lipgloss: Mac Lipglass
Lip balm: Lip Smackers
Eyes:
Eyeliner: Mac Powerpoint Eyeliner in Engraved
Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in Zero
Mascara: Diorshow Black Out Mascara
L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara in Carbon Black
Eyeshadow: Stila Eyeshadow in Kitten
Mac Eyeshadow in Smut

God... that list is so amputated.

Beauty Product Review:Urban Decay Ammo Eye Palette

This palatte includes 10 eyeshadows:
1. Smog: Medium shimmery gold brown color
2. Maui Wowie: Khaki gold with large gold sparkles
3. Mildew: Shimmery olive
4. Shattered: Teal gold
5. Oil Slick: Black with small silver sparkles
6. Polyester Bride: White highlighter with sparkles
7. Last Call: Shimmery Plum
8. Grifter: Light purple with silver sparkles
9. Chopper: Copper with gold sparkles
10. Sin: Champagne light copper

So I bought two Urban Decay products within a span of a few days. This one I bought before the other, so let's go over it first. I have wanted to buy Midnight Cowboy for a while, and I was looking at the palettes at Sephora, and I chose this one over one with that shade. I liked more of the colors, so there you go!

Okay so on to the review. I do like these shadows. And mind you, I like sparkley metallic-y shadows, but there is fall-out. I would reccommend using a primer, or like a paint pot. I do not like the packaging of this palette. I like group sets where though things may be smaller they are packaged separately. So that's what took me so long to purchase this product. That and the price, $34. But when you think about it? That's cheap for 10 shadows. And who wants to spend 13 dollars on ten full size shadows? Because honestly, we get bored!

So in conclusion, the shadows are very pigmented and sparkley! And there are some negatives, but I think the benefits outweigh the negatives.

What is not

him: oh
I think we'll watch the mighty boosh
in my car
in my back seat
and I'll say I can't see
so i'll light a candle
and know I'll do this all innocently and cutely and be precious about it
and then I'll tell her to close her eyes
and lean in
and then say open!
and I'll hand her some home made cookies
and we'll spoon, eat cookies, and watch the mighty boosh
then I'll give her a dandelion or some cheap flower
with a love note attached
and then I'll try to kiss her

my response: That is super cute
and will fresh to def work

Letter to a Friend

Okay I refuse to discuss Robert after this email. Well Robert and homecoming anyway. Saying that I wouldn't discuss him at all would be futile and a lie. So let me say---write---this and get it over with. (I am numbering for clarity)
Pros of Robert:
1. He is a good guy.
2. He likes me.
3. He is cute.
4. He is smart.
5. He makes me laugh.
6. I have fun with him.

Cons:
1. He might be a good guy?
2. He might like me?
3. I only like him with super short hair?
4. He only sorta makes me laugh.
5. Only sometimes...i have fun. When it isn't totally awkward.


Conclusion: I don't know. Part of me wants to not care and just go for love, because what will it hurt. And part of me says why waste time on something that might not work out. Part of me says that it isn't a good idea to get involved with a boy who can't tell me what he feels. And I wonder whether I can really be in a relationship with a boy who can stand up to me and ask me to do things.

I think that i mostly need to stop approaching him like I would a regular boy, because he isn't. He doesn't know much about anything social, or anyone. I need to not play games, like waiting an hour to text him back. I need to make sure now to tell him what I want and to accept what he says he wants at face value. Maybe I am being too analytical about the whole thing? But thats the only way I do things. I will try to limit that though. I mean thats all I can promise.

I was talking to Michael and he brought up a good point. Maybe I am being a cocktease. and he also said "Not everything means something" which I think should be my new motto in life. But dear Lord it goes against EVERYTHING..that I do naturally or have been taught. I think again I just need to reevaluate.

I still don't know what I want but Michael was saying something that was true. He said to get over being stubborn and just ask him. Is that what I really want? I don't know. But I need to decide and to stop being a girl about the situation.

My Birthday and My Birthday Suit

So I should be writing an essay on whether truth is better expressed in literature than in other areas of knowledge, but I am not sure how i want to answer yet. So I thought I would say hello to this blog.

It is my birthday today. I am 18. I know, I know. This should be a milestone. I should be out celebrating. Not writing in some lame online journal, but I have school tomorrow. (School this year started on my birthday.) So this seemed to be less lame then to be writing in my private journal. At least someone has a chance of seeing this.

So I guess on to the second part of my title. I met a boy. Well thats a lie. I didn't just meet him or anything. I knew him from before. But I guess I just have decided to see him as a romantic interest. I am very attracted to his body, but I am also attracted to his mind. He is smart. And he is kinda funny. He is a boy that is very different from me. He lives with his grandparents and sometimes shares his room with his junkie dad. His mom isn't around. He told me he does smoke now and then. I really don't have too much of a problem with this, as long as he doesn't smoke around me. He said it doesn't bother him that I don't smoke.my So I don't know. He told me all of these things however, on the first date, which probably could be only loosely called a date anyway. So I now feel like we are serious without being at all.

He doesn't have a sense of smell. And for some weird reason, that totally turns me on. Its like I would have to describe things to him and somehow that is really sensual to me. He is nice and quiet and listens to me talk. I think that we could have something even with our differences.

For example, he loves spicy food. I do too. He likes the band Cake, I do too. I think he could protect me. BUT he did say that his dad said that he would take a "whack" at any girl that he brought into his room. Creepy much? I mean he is sweet but yeah.

So his car is in the shop, and I don't know I wanted him to ask me out on a second date....but he cant i think? Like he feels uncomfy with out a car. He asked to come along.


but now I am going out to dinner with a group. And we are inviting his friends and him and my friends. I don know I am a bit apprehensive.

Awkward Relationships

Ex-boyfriend: comes to town, wanting to hook up. Says he will call and doesn't
I didnt want to see him in the first place...so why does that bother me?

Best friend:
Supposedly^- Like I guess not everything should be easy? I just always hope it will be and I would rather not deal with drama. I would rather sit back and chill and forget problems. Confrontation makes me uncomfy. Its too direct and personal.

New Crush:
I hate not knowing what people are thinking. I mean, I know its impossible to know what people are thinking all time, but can't there be some exception for people you are jonesing for? I think it should be a rule. I don't know. And the thing is I only like boys who are mysterious, When I get to know them? I just am bored and don't care. So I obviously have multiple issues to work out.

Other Best Friends Crush:
What is up with him? He says he likes my friend but blames stress and family as the reason why he can't go on a date with her. I mean I am halfway wanting to say that if he likes you...he should have already asked, but i know that'll break her heart. I also am confused as to why he is being like this in the first place. Cuz he is (was?) a nice guy. At least he seemed to be, but then this stuff happens? I am confused. He needs to let her know what is going on!
This has to do with me in that me and the guy she likes used to be super good friends. But now this whole issue has come up and I don't think that I can look at him in the same way.

CAMPING

So I am going camping! And I am sooo excited I can hardly type! Its on Table Rock Lake. And even tho we are going over spring break (read: March) and it will be freezing....I am still excited. I am planning on fishing...I know why is this city girl going fishing? I have no clue. Of course we will be letting the fish go. I do have some standards. I will probably be catching a lot of perch. (yes, I have been fishing once before. and that is all I caught.)