Thursday, September 20, 2007

Letter to a Friend

Okay I refuse to discuss Robert after this email. Well Robert and homecoming anyway. Saying that I wouldn't discuss him at all would be futile and a lie. So let me say---write---this and get it over with. (I am numbering for clarity)
Pros of Robert:
1. He is a good guy.
2. He likes me.
3. He is cute.
4. He is smart.
5. He makes me laugh.
6. I have fun with him.

1. He might be a good guy?
2. He might like me?
3. I only like him with super short hair?
4. He only sorta makes me laugh.
5. Only sometimes...i have fun. When it isn't totally awkward.

Conclusion: I don't know. Part of me wants to not care and just go for love, because what will it hurt. And part of me says why waste time on something that might not work out. Part of me says that it isn't a good idea to get involved with a boy who can't tell me what he feels. And I wonder whether I can really be in a relationship with a boy who can stand up to me and ask me to do things.

I think that i mostly need to stop approaching him like I would a regular boy, because he isn't. He doesn't know much about anything social, or anyone. I need to not play games, like waiting an hour to text him back. I need to make sure now to tell him what I want and to accept what he says he wants at face value. Maybe I am being too analytical about the whole thing? But thats the only way I do things. I will try to limit that though. I mean thats all I can promise.

I was talking to Michael and he brought up a good point. Maybe I am being a cocktease. and he also said "Not everything means something" which I think should be my new motto in life. But dear Lord it goes against EVERYTHING..that I do naturally or have been taught. I think again I just need to reevaluate.

I still don't know what I want but Michael was saying something that was true. He said to get over being stubborn and just ask him. Is that what I really want? I don't know. But I need to decide and to stop being a girl about the situation.

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